


Stars In Your Eyes

by TheAngryKimchi



Category: Thor (Movies)
Genre: Drabble, Grief/Mourning, Loki (Marvel) Feels, Loki (the little shit) has died again, M/M, Post-Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie), short and sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-26
Updated: 2019-01-03
Packaged: 2019-08-28 11:52:10
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,485
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16722825
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheAngryKimchi/pseuds/TheAngryKimchi
Summary: When Loki was little he used to stargaze a lot. Spent hours upon hours in the darkness of his and Thor's balcony, cocooned in his favourite blanket, the one that Queen Frigga herself had weaved and spelled with wells of love for him, looking at the billions upon trillions of tiny dots on the dark blue of the sky.-Short and sad ficlets than can be loosely connected or read as stand alones.





	1. Stars In Your Eyes

When Loki was little he used to stargaze a lot. Spent hours upon hours in the darkness of his and Thor's balcony, cocooned in his favourite blanket, the one that Queen Frigga herself had weaved and spelled with wells of love for him, looking at the billions upon trillions of tiny dots on the dark blue of the sky.  
  
Loki had been enamoured since the first time he laid eyes on the starfilled sky.

He tried learning as many constellations as he could and to remember their names and positions each night of the lunar year by heart.  
  
Some nights, Thor would join him, asking Loki for the story of each star and Loki would humour him, letting him bundle up close and look at the comets as he made up story after story for his beloved brother.

But, as they grew older Thor stopped asking for stories, rarely joining Loki in his nightly routine, and Loki kept gazing at the night sky, damning the unwelcomed clouds whenever they crawled in; especially on nights he felt particularly self-deprecating.

At nights like these, he would seclude himself in the gardens, lose himself in the maze of the rose bushes and barricade away from any human interaction. The stars his only wanted companion, the ever-listening ear for his scathing thoughts and emotions. Both things he loathed. Both things he tried drowning time after time. Loki was never good enough. Never the first choice. Never someone to look up to.

And he felt too much.

Loved in ambundance and tried harder than anyone else ever did. But it was not enough, nobody else could feel or see his efforts. So he hated and loathed and planned for the things he would do once he would be king.

However, a king he was not meant to be.

Loki learned how to travel on his own. Jump through hidden passageways, unseen and veiled by the night's stars, not even all-seeing Heimdall could know. He found out how the constellations he had learned so many decades ago were different in each realm, which ones couldn't be seen in what planet and who would always help him find his way back home.

He planned and schemed and, in the end, betrayed all under the watchfull gaze of a thousand dying stars.

Until one night, not even the stars could lead him back home, for he had none.

And when he died it was in their company;  
Loki would be cradled in his most trustful friends' arms.


	2. Sunlight on your skin (when I'm not around)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Loki sees the rain falling, but doesn't feel its bite. He sees the soaked ground, but his boots don't leave a print on the dirt, the grass's blades do not dance beneath his cape's caress. 
> 
> He stares up in the sky, in the dark clouds veiling the stars that hold his body somewhere in their vastness. There is no lightning nor thunder, only the endless pitter-patter of the raindrops.

_Rain keeps falling, tears keep falling_

_Darling, your love is like walking a bed of nails_

_And I just can't keep on fighting_

 

Loki sees the rain falling, but doesn't feel its bite. He sees the soaked ground, but his boots don't leave a print on the dirt, the grass's blades do not dance beneath his cape's caress.

He stares up in the sky, in the dark clouds veiling the stars that hold his body somewhere in their vastness. There is no lightning nor thunder, only the endless pitter-patter of the raindrops.

Sad, melancholic, doleful.

Thor is sat on the edge of the steep cliff, looking out to the calm waves of the sea below. Everything is grey but for the green, green grass that seems more alive than ever. A bright contrast to the rest of their surroundings.

Slow, soundless steps take him to Thor's side, where he stands and looks down at him. He looks tired, older still, with shoulders dropped and back curved; a disagreement with the pride and positivity Loki remembers. Thor's fingers keep moving, rolling a small sphere between them, incessantly, a flick of auburn passing quickly with every roll.

His lips are tight, thin as they never were and his eye look sunken, marred by dark circles. His terribly blue eye is fogged, covered with a sheen of wetness that he won't allow fall. His other eye, the destroyed one stands black a hole on his lovely face, empty eyesocket bare for the world to see. If there was anyone else here.

But Thor is alone. Terribly lonely in the Norway cliff their father had said his last goodbye and left them to fend for themselves against his greatest mistake.

"Rain always reminds me of you." Thor murmurs into the air. Eye staying on the bland horizon. He hasn't showed any sign that he can sense Loki's presence and Loki knows he is speaking to him in the way people do when they want to feel near to their deceased loved ones. "You had always loved the sound of it hitting against our window when we were kids, found the opportunity to sneak into my bed and seek warmth because you were cold." Thor's voice hitches, his throat works on a sudden lump. "You were always so cold."

_I wish it could be different this time._  Loki says, but there is no reaction from Thor.  _I wish I could have stood by your side. Finally equal to you._  His hand reaches out to brush Thor's wet hair, but it passes right through.

Loki would weep if he could.

Instead, he falls on the ground, tilting his head as if to rest on Thor's shoulder. Faking that he can feel his warmth, the wetness of his cape. That if he reached out and wrapped him in his arms, Thor would feel it and stop being alone. But he can't.

So, he fakes it.

Forever lying to everyone, but mostly to his own self.

Loki's ghostly hand comes over Thor's fidgeting one, slots his fingers inside Thor's fist and he looks at the differences of a living limp and a spectral one.

Loki watches him watching the rain and wants to kiss him more than ever. Wipe the sadness from his face and draw back his lovely smile. The one that had always made Loki's insides flutter with love.

How could he have ever wished to see his brother miserable when obviously he couldn't stand the sight of it? How many mistakes has he done in the years he denied his most visceral need?

"I remember how you would touch your freezing feet on my legs, giggling at my reaction before snuggling in my chest and whispering to me about everything you couldn't say in the day." Thor continues reminiscing and as if knowing that Loki is there, he tilts his head to the side, almost as if to rest it on top of Loki's.

_I wish I could touch you, now_. Loki confesses, remembering all the opportunities he has lost to caress and touch, replacing them with punches and stabs.

"I believe that somehow rain calmed your nerves, put a semicolon to your working mind, turned you lazy." Thor lets out a sound full of fondness, laced with grief and longing. "Seeking attention like a spoiled cat."

Loki cannot find it in him to smile – the hurt is too big, too bad for him to allow the moment's seriousness elevate.

Thor falls slowly back, dirtying his soaked self with the earth and his eye blinks with every drop that hits upon his eyelids. Loki follows him, curling against his side, carefully laying his head on Thor's chest so it won't go through, mirroring their favourite way of lazing around.

"Too many indolent mornings come to me, spent with us intertwined and making love to the sound of rain."

Thor's fingers have stopped moving, his arm has fallen open to the side as if he too is acting that he can hold Loki against his thigh. The ball – an artificial, horrible eye, Loki can now see – has rolled on the grass beside Thor's thigh to stay forgotten there.

"It aches, Loki. You loved the smell of grass and earth after a storm and I can smell it all around me right now and I miss you, brother. I miss you more than ever."

_I miss you too_ , Loki thinks, looking up at him, wanting to reach out and wipe the tear that has finally rolled down Thor's temple.

"I have only rain left. A melancholic friend, woven with memories of your laugh and love. I can't let go, I can't bring myself to withdraw the clouds from the sky, for it feels as if I might lose you completely, as if you might fly away. I don't want to feel the sunlight warming on my skin when you aren't here with me."

Thor sniffles and closes his eye. Lips part to take in short, shivery breaths and Loki aches more than he thought he would. It hurts more than any kind of death, watching Thor like that.

"Keep your promise, Loki, I beg of you." Thor hisses through gritted teeth. "Until then, rain shall fall."

 

_Sunlight on your skin when I'm not around_

_Shit don't feel the same when you're out of town_

_So, let's watch the rain as it's falling down._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Inspired by [Falling Down ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-jRKsiAOAA8) by Lil Peep & xxxtentacion when I stumbled upon it one late night (or very early morning, depends how you look at it). I mean _sunlight on your skin when I am not around_ and _let's watch the rain as it's falling down_? It just asked for a Thorki fic and the feels wouldn't leave me alone ^^'
> 
> Hope you liked it! kudos and comments are very much appreciated <3


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